Attachment trauma: What it is, and how will you know when you’re healing?
What is attachment trauma?
Often when we hear the word “trauma,” we think of military veterans, traumatic brain injury, survivors of a natural disaster, etc. There is another form of trauma, however, and can be just as damaging. The kind of trauma I am referring to is complex trauma, and it is insidious. Rather than a one time event, this is a steady exposure to overwhelming fear, often during the fragile developmental stages. A form of complex trauma called attachment trauma occurs when there is a rupture in the bonding process between the child and primary caregiver. It is helpful to consider that what happened to you is not so important as what happened inside of you. Those suffering from attachment trauma had a consistent disruption of physical and emotional safety within their family of origin. As an adult, these individuals can become triggered in their relationships causing their nervous systems to go into “fight, flight, freeze or fawn.” What this could look like is someone who is highly sensitive to criticism, a people pleaser, insecurity in relationships or a perfectionism drive. A nervous system that is constantly operating in this way can ultimately lead to chronic health conditions. You may be suffering from this kind of complex trauma if you had a parent who:
is physically or emotionally unavailable
had mental illness or suffers from addiction
had generational trauma they did not attend to
had poor boundaries
objectified their child’s body
was not validating to their child
was hyper critical of shaming toward their child
was controlling or manipulative
How will you know when you’re healed?
You know you are on a good path when your past memories become more informational rather than triggering. Its a sign of progress when you can experience your past without physical feelings of distress (quickened heart rate, tightness in your chest, flushed face, sweaty palms, etc). Here are a few other signs:
feeling safe in your body
practicing good boundaries
trusting your intuition
having your behavior be consistent with your beliefs (being your authentic self!)
you respond rather than react